Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Water Park!!

I don't have any pictures of today's adventures because we were at a water park and for 3 reasons....
#1- I didn't want to take my super awesome fancy camera to a water park
#2- My older camera is waterproof (digital waterproof camera) but battery was dead
#3- I wanted to have fun and not worry so much about taking pictures!!!

So today we headed to the water park. We have this season pass thing which lets us in to the park for free. This was our first time going and we had such a fun time. Moma was much more brave than I ever thought she would be. She did AWESOME!!! G.... not so much but he did at least do some things once. But he is only 2 so I have to give him credit.

At the end of the day we decided to go on a BIG water slide. It's the kind that is open, not a tunnel one. Now... most of you know that I will try just about anything. I'm not really a big chicken. I've gone sky diving, white water rafting, water skiing, jet skiing, motorcycle riding, and will pretty much do anything at least once. So now that we've established that I'm not a huge chicken about things, I have to admit that I have a totally irrational fear of water slides. Don't get me wrong. I will go down any waterside. I will go down numerous times and put on my brave face. But inside, I'm crying like a little girl about to wet my tankini. You see.... I fear the turns of the water slide. I fear a few things. The biggest one is that as I'm going on a turn, I'm going to flip off the side of the water slide and plummet to my death. The other fear is that the poor water slide will not hold my fat arse and break and once again, I will plummet to my death. But I talk myself down from my fears and go anyways. Because that's the kind of person I am. I could never say "No" to an adventure like that. No way!! So I just hide my fears, Say lots of prayers, kiss my kids and husband a lot and do it anyways. 
So we take the kids up to this BIG water slide. It's the kind that flushes water behind you and shoots you down. I decide to hand G over to Mister Studly which was probably not the best idea. I just figured I would do better with Moma than him since she's so brave and all that. So Mister Studly and G go ahead of us. They do GREAT! Then it's out turn. I stick Moma on my lap and wait for the rush of water to shoot us down this slide that feels about 20 stories tall but is probably only about 4 stories tall. The water comes. I have a good hold on Moma. But because Moma was such a giant baby and my stomach have been stretched and torn to shreds (and I have a hernia), I cant seem to stay seated. My muscles just can't hold me up! I end up laying down flat on my back. Moma falls off my giant fatness. And now we are going down side by side. The whole time (while wondering if the slide is going to shoot me off to plummet to my death) I'm thinking about how on earth will I keep her above water when we land in the pool?? She's on my side, so I can't grab her and hold her out above me. Plus, because of my eye surgery and because I have gigantic pupils (seriously... I'm a medical freakazoid), I have a very difficult time seeing without my sun glasses on. So I can't see... Moma is riding next to me instead of on top of me, I'm praying the slide holds up and does its job so I don't die, and BAM!! half way down the slide.... TOE CRAMP!!! If you've ever had a cramp in your toe, you know what I'm talking about. It sucks! Your toes freaking out going in directions it's not supposed to go and you're in pain and you want to die. So I have a lot going against me at this point. I can't see anything and next thing I know, I'm under water with my butt sitting on the bottom of the pool and poor Moma under the water with me!!!! There was no time to keep her above water. No time!!!!! So I jump up as fast as I can. Get our heads above water. Next thing you know we are coughing up water and water is shooting out of our noses. We scramble out of the pool. My toe cramp goes away and everyone is staring at the fat lady that just tried to drown her poor sweet daughter. I start apologizing profusely to the poor thing as she is still shooting water out of her nose and I just feel terrible. Then Mister Studly comes over to us. G is dry as a bone. He was able to keep him above water the whole time which makes me feel worse. He's asking what went wrong, why I could't keep her above water and laughing at me at the same time. 

At that point, Moma looks at me and says......

 "I want to go again!!!!!" 

Maybe another time dear. 
And next time, you can go with your father.

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